Smash and grab on Beyers and Judith

Always the best mate, never the boyfriend, mused Eric as he cruised down Beyers Naude back home towards Fairlands in a vague, after-shift trance.
He could say howzit to two dozen women on any given night at the Bassline, but d’you think he could find a date to his sister’s wedding? Not a sausage. And as for this morning! “You were heavily pregnant when we met”! Come on, what was he thinking!
There was just something deeply unsavoury about hitting on women who’ve recently given birth in the queue at the supermarket.
And getting snubbed too. By a woman with nappies under her arm. He should be ashamed of himself. No, he had to set his sights elsewhere. But that wedding was less than two weeks away and things were looking desperate. He’d gone solo to the four last family weddings. If he showed up without a companion at his sister’s one, he would officially be gay. Grief! Maybe he was gay!
No, of course he wasn’t. He was hitting on postnatal mothers in the supermarket. Gay men don’t do that. This was all about not seeming gay. There had to be some girl he could take.
It was 11pm as Eric pulled up at the Judith Road robots and ran through his options. There was Zama from work, but she was going out with that freak in the pink jacket now. There was Beth, the barlady from the Roxy. But she was on crutches at the moment from her accident. What about her mate? The surly one she worked with at the bar. She was probably lesbian, but worth asking anyway.
Eric glumly switched his car stereo from Kaya to YFM and realised that he was going to have to ask the surly lesbian to his sister’s wedding. Great.
His gaze drifted across the intersection, to where a red Corolla was stopped at the robots opposite. A pedestrian walked up to the passenger window and peered inside.
Jeez, he thought. I hope that’s not a smash-and-grab.
Having checked inside, the guy – he was a lightie, not older than 18 – leaned back in an elasticated manner and threw something at the window.
Kkwa! It burst inwards and the guy lunged into the vehicle. A second later he was walking away, up Judith Road, with a woman’s handbag.
The oke bombed her!
His robot went green, but Eric was unable to engage first. He was still wondering what to do. Was this a get-involved moment? Should he go after the bomber, or go check that the woman in the Corolla was okay?
As he sat weighing his options, a woman jumped out of the driver’s side of the Corolla and began running after the bomber. Eric turned YFM down a little and let down his window. She was screaming at the robber.
“How dare you rob me and then walk away!”
As he was deciding to get involved, Eric noticed that the Corolla was moving. She hadn’t pulled up the handbrake. It was probably still in gear!
By this time the robot was red. The Corolla eased across the Judith Road intersection and veered to the right. It was coming straight for him!
Eric checked his mirrors. There was a car behind him. The robot on the left. There was no escape! He hooted twice. Pee-beep!
The woman, a tall blonde in a tracksuit, heard him hoot and stopped in mid-chase in the middle of Judith Road. She gave up the pursuit and came sprinting back to retrieve her car.
Too late! Eric’s last defence was to pull up his handbrake to avoid being driven backwards into the car behind him as… crrrunch!... the Corolla ploughed into him head-on. Everything happened in slow motion – because the Corolla was only doing about 12.
Boomp! The Corolla made impact, rolled backwards and then ploughed into him again. Crrunch! It was probably an automatic. The only thing to do was get out the car and run over to the Corolla to turn it off.
At that point stage the girl arrived. Pretty freaked out. “Oh god I’m sorry. Did you see what that guy did! Smash and grabs me and then just walks off! What an arsehole! How’s your car?”
“There’s a bit of damage, but it looks like we’re both still drivable,” replied Eric as they exchanged business cards.
She was Liz Griffith-Reid and she was a dance instructor. Maybe she would be free next Saturday.