How to make a helluva scene at a wedding

As the first of the guests began arriving at the reception, Chris put on some Mike And The Mechanics and started dopping. This was going to be a difficult wedding.
Beth had come as his date. But he wasn’t going to be much of a squire tonight, seeing as he’d be DJing the whole time.
He dropped Lou Bega’s Mambo Number Nine into the CD tray next. Might as well get that one out of the way. By the time Shaun and Lorna arrived – the bridal couple – Chris was on his third Label and Achy Breaky Heart was on the decks.
He was surprised how much seeing Lorna affected him. Not just seeing her, seeing her married. Just knowing she was totally off the market. It hit him right in the heart.
Meanwhile she’d told him only three weeks ago that Shaun couldn’t satisfy her the way he could. She’d said their bodies were made to fit together, but that emotionally, she had to marry Shaun.
So what was he, chopped liver? He was the skelm lover of the bride, and here he was spinning bladdy Billy Ocean tunes at her wedding. It was so wrong.
By the time the speeches were over, Chris had upgraded to whisky and Beth was already ignoring him.
To add insult to injury, he had to play the bridal waltz for the guy who had stolen the only girl he’d ever loved. It was One Love by Bob Marley. Supreme irony, when Lorna had two loves in that room alone.
Chris sommer bumped the CD player on purpose, he was feeling so jealous. Then he played Boogie Wonderland and everyone surged onto the dancefloor. He went outside for some air. So to speak.
When Lorna came outside she found Chris smoking a ready-rolled on the Jo’burg Country Club’s cricket field.
“You must be finding this a bit weird,” she said.
“You know then,” he exhaled, offering a drag.
“No thanks,” she said. “Thanks for playing, hey. It means a lot that you came. And I suppose I might as well tell you now. I’m pregnant.”
“What!”
“Ja. I just found out two days ago.”
“Congratulations, I guess.”
There was a beat before he continued.
“So do you know whose baby it is?”
“It’s Shaun’s definitely. Shaun’s baby. I had a test.”
“So…” said Chris.
“Ja,” confirmed Lorna. “So I think we better cool it from now on.”
“Ay, whatever,” exhaled Chris abruptly. “I gotta get back to the decks.”
Lorna was left alone with her thoughts and her baby on the cricket field.
A test! How could he have believed that? How could he believe she would have had a paternity test already? She had no idea who the father was, and Chris knew that too. But he seemed a little to eager to believer her fib about the test.
So it was just as well she was staying with Shaun. Her and Shaun would raise the child as their own. And there was no need for anybody to know any different. Chris seemed pretty drunk for this early… The music types were always so volatile.
Lorna picked up his discarded spliff, had a puff and went back inside. This was her big night and she was going to make the most of it. She was going to be throwing the garter soon.
She heard someone bellowing over the mic. That was probably the best man announcing it.
But when she got back to the function room, it was in dead silence. All that moved were the mirror ball’s rotating splashes of light. The music was off and Chris was standing behind the DJ box with the mic in his hand and a glazed look on his face.
As she entered the room, every head turned. Everyone looked ashen. What the hell had he said?
“And here she comes now,” Chris slurred. “The best shag in Jo’burg.”
That was when Shaun reached the DJ box and felled Chris with a neat right cross. Kwah! He crumpled to the floor and as he did, Shaun grabbed the mic. There was a ripple of applause.
“He might have been shagging her for ten years, but I’m the one she fell in love with,” Shaun said, and a cheer went up! “Now let’s throw the garter!”
Lorna shrieked and climbed onto the nearest chair as Shaun came over. He winked, then began digging around under her dress. This was the kind of man she wanted to have kids with.